| 1. Manage expectations. Most of us expect the world to be different than what it is. We expect it, somehow, to conform with our desires, then get upset when the world isn’t the way we want it. Saying the world is what it is doesn’t mean we have to be passive. Our freedom to act is part of the world being the way it is. Still, most of us allow ourselves to be bothered by things that are way beyond our control. 2. Listen to your body. I had migraines for years and tried many medicines. Most days I can deal with the pain. Only gradually did it occur to me that the problem wasn’t entirely with my body. The problem was with the stressful circumstances in which I found myself. My body was trying to tell me to find a different way. When I began listening to my body, the headaches began to diminish. What are your physical symptoms telling you? 3. Do what is before you to do, then let it go. We get hung up on outcomes. As youngsters, we go through periods of great self-consciousness, worried about what others think of us. If only we can make certain things happen, we feel, people will feel good about us. As we age, hopefully we grow beyond such self- consciousness. Each of us has won a few, lost a few, and tied some others. Sometimes we win, sometimes we don’t. A happier course is to find something we love to do, then do it. Do it not so others will feel better about us, but because we love to do it. If we succeed, we succeed. If not, then not. When we work because we enjoy what we’re doing, the outcome doesn’t matter as much. We can do the work before us, wholeheartedly, and not feel like we have to manage the feelings of everyone around us. 4. Remember what you are, not just who you are. You are an animate body, aware of itself, partly conscious and partly not. You are a series of thoughts, emotions, memories, and sensations. Your feelings come and go like clouds in the sky. You can’t hold them, even when you want to. Remember what you are, and, conversely, what you aren’t. If there is a Self in you, something that knows the thoughts, the body, the emotions, and all, this Self probably isn’t what you thought it was. Take time to get to know what you really are. 5. Understand and forgive. I know I’ve made bad decisions when I act out of fear. I have come to regret many of those decisions, as I suppose all of us do. Others also make poor decisions out of fear. I need to understand that, to understand that most of us are doing the best we can with what we have. Understanding my own weaknesses helps me understand why others sometimes act in ways that hurt. They aren’t any more (or less) malicious than me. This helps us not take things too personally, to be more tolerant when there is pain. Understanding myself makes it possible for me to forgive. It makes it possible not only for me to forgive others, but for me to forgive myself. ©2008, John Cunyus, All Rights Reserved, www.JohnCunyus.com |
Words, Images, and Layout ©2008 John G. Cunyus All Rights Reserved John Cunyus is a freelance philosopher working in North Texas. www.johncunyus.com |