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The Emotion Defuser

An Interactive Page to Help You Feel Better.


More Self-Help Resources

This page does not collect or sell your personal data.


Sometimes emotions overwhelm us. They seem to come out of nowhere. When they get a grip on us, we just want to escape. Too often, it does not seem possible.

There are ways, though, of regaining our balance. First of all, if you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, reach out. If you need to, call or text one of the numbers on this page. Talking to someone who cares can make a huge difference.

There are things you can do on your own, too. Too often, we let such feelings stay unnamed. Unnamed feelings weigh us down. Many people find it helpful to call our hard emotions by name. Naming what you are feeling lets us begin to deal with our emotions.

What are you feeling? Are you sad? Angry? Disappointed? Embarrassed? Do you feel worthless, rejected, forgotten? Name the feeling, so you can face it directly. Emotions are not bad. Everyone feels them. Naming them makes them less threatening.

Check out the Emotions Page for help finding words for what you are feeling.

When did you first feel this emotion? What were you doing when you noticed it? Who were you talking to? Where were you at the time?

Remembering such details can help us understand what triggered our emotion. Sometimes it will be obvious. Sometimes it will not.

Maybe you remembered a loved one you lost. Maybe you had a fight with a friend. Maybe you were disappointed with yourself or someone else. Maybe you were rejected in something important to you. Maybe you feel bad because you wronged someone else. Being aware helps.

Feelings are like clouds. They change from moment to moment. Sometimes we forget they are not permament when we face a difficult feeling. But it is true. The feeling will pass, if we let it.

When you see what triggered the feeling, ask what you can do about it. Sometimes we can change the situation. Sometimes we cannot. That is okay, too. Again, be aware of what you can and cannot do. We all have limits.

Ask yourself what you can do to feel more peace right now. We can take a walk. We can listen to music. We can talk to a friend. If possible, we can offer forgiveness or an apology, whether or not those things are accepted. Doing nothing often leaves us feeling more helpless.

Then, consider what good life lessons may come from this. We cannot change the past. But we can change the way we live in the present. Maybe this issue makes us pay more attention to being a good friend. Maybe it helps us appreciate good things we still have in life. Do not get stuck in the bad feeling! Let it teach you to be better.

When you click the "Begin" button above, this page guides you through seven questions to help you "defuse" your emotion. You first see the emotion. Then you open it up and look behind it. Then you can take the things out of it that need to come out.

Defuse the emotion! Make the feelings and memories inside visible. Let them see the light of day. Remember that you have the feelings. They do not have you.

Know also that someone, somewhere, loves you, and wants you to feel better!